Listen up, fellow felines! Your peeps are trying to sell your home out from underneath you. And they haven’t even asked permission, have they? Everyone knows that we cats hate, hate, hate change. Not like those silly dogs, so eager to explore new places. We like things just the way they are.
If you have never had the trauma of being forcibly moved, let me tell you it’s a nightmare. The locations of your food bowl and litter box – totally changed! You have to fend off who knows what to claim the new place as your territory. You must cultivate new napping spots. You will have to figure out which new faucet is the “leaky” one, so you are assured of fresh water on demand. And what if the new house has no windows, no heat and smells like wet dog? Yuck!
Clearly, it’s best to stop this house-selling nonsense right away. That’s why it’s important to make every showing a memorable one for the potential buyers. (A showing is when unfamiliar people barge into your home while your humans are not there. These strangers just yell this weird code-word “Realtor!” at the front door and come right in. Then they inspect every room including things that are none of their business – and all because their cat wants to move into your home!)
So here are a few tips for getting rid of these intruders for good!
Forewarned is forearmed. Many times you will know a showing is imminent by your humans’ behavior. A frenzied cleaning binge followed by a quick exit to the car is the best clue. If you can hold off, save that hairball developing in your throat until you can hack it up in the visitors’ presence. Similarly, don’t cover up anything smelly in the litterbox, just for now. The stink is a proven buyer-repellent.
When the intruders talk, listen carefully. If you hear the word “allergy”, rush over to the person who said it and act like you just found your long-lost friend. Cling to that person until everyone hustles out the door.
Jump on the counter as soon as the buyers enter the kitchen and began scratching vigorously, as if you have fleas. Then shake yourself hard to send fur flying everywhere! If you are one of those cats with chronic flatulence, now would be a good time to share your special “gift.”
The living room is the best place for you to sit on the carpet and give a loud “meow” to get their attention. When they make eye contact, lift your back legs in the air and use your front paws to move forward so that your bottom skootches along the floor. Then sniff that area and use your front paws to make sweeping motions toward that spot, as if you are covering up in the litterbox.
One last thing – notice that none of the suggested actions cause permanent damage. After all, it’s your home and you like it well-kept. You just want those pesky buyers to go away. And you want your peeps to acknowledge that you are in charge of the decisions around here.
If you liked this post, check out the Life Beyond Real Estate category for the adventures of housecats Pearl and Saber.